3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
