I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
