My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
