i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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