I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
