i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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