If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
