god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
