The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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