I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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