I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
