You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
