woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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