So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
