Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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