I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you had me at cake vodka
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
