I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
