I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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