I think my fart just growled at me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
