that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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