You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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