So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have post one night stand depression
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
