I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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