I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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