it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
