Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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