My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
