I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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