My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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