nut hugger
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
