Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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