i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Congratulations! We have a period
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