The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I understand Curling. That high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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