Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
