i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
