Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this is an emotional support booty call
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
