just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
