Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
