she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
