4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Buhtt sex?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
