are you so shy because you have an std?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
