11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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