It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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