planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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