my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
