I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
