My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
