I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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