Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Randomize
