On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
