If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
