I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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