dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
