My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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