Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
